You may have noticed I’ve been gone for a hot minute. Part of that was some work-life balance issues I was having, but a lot of it came from the wellspring of psych meds gone awry. Which isn’t to say I won’t continue taking mine, but it is one of those things that you don’t always notice until it gets to fever pitch.
Prior to things going a little sideways for me, I’d raised my ADHD medication dose which doubled the medication. While on the lower dose I wasn’t sure I was still seeing much of an effect, at the higher dose I wound up with incredible anxiety that crept up over time and eventually reached a screaming pitch. It caused me trouble with other people and with projects I was working on. I didn’t realize how much until I left for a couple weeks and didn’t take it. The anxiety vanished, and I really realized how bad it had been.
Unfortunately, it’s a double-edged sword. My ability to function and get things done is limited without my medication. Which isn’t to say I can’t function, but it’s like trying to run a marathon on a sand beach. And I don’t mean wet sand, either. It is a lot of extra work, exhaustion, and sometimes even pain. And when I am already limited on resources due to the fact that I am physically disabled and have fatigue problems as a result… the compounding problem means I end up miserable. I didn’t quite realize how hard everything was until I started my medication and was able to just… do things without having to fight executive function issues for hours prior to beginning a task.
Being on the medication has a cost, too. Even on the low dose, I do have more anxiety and irritability problems, but I can actually accomplish things which helps in the long run, so the cost-benefit analysis falls firmly into the camp of taking my meds.
That’s kind of the thing with all of this: it’s a balancing act. As are most things in my life. I like the “Spoon Theory” well enough, but as a TTRPG nerd, I am a bigger fan of the “Spell Slot Theory”. Largely because while I can expend a higher level spell slot to do a lesser activity, I can also expend a bunch of smaller spells to send off one big one (I’ve got feats, I guess, that let me do that–hush). It also helps me categorize better. I could get into the details of why this works for me, but frankly I don’t think anyone wants to listen to me wax poetic about the TTRPG that is my life.
What I can say about it is that CON is my dump stat. Hands down.
All of that said, I am pleased with the progress I’ve made and the things I’ve learned. Also, while I was gone, I finished my first draft of my third book in the Boston Blight universe. I say Boston Blight, not Smoke and Magic because that’s specifically Cassiel’s books. I’ve talked about it before, but there are a number of characters who will each have their own series, as it were. Sort of like the Marvel Cinematic Universe. There will be individual books following specific characters and their journeys, and there will be books where they all come together because the stories are interwoven, even if it doesn’t always seem like it at first.
